UMMM....THANKS??????

I just returned home from a two week trip to visit my family who live out of state. I stayed at my parent's house. My mom, although she has watched me struggle on and off with ED for YEARS... still DOES NOT get how to support me/help me in my attempt at recovering from my current relapse. She offered all sorts of wonderful advice to me while I was staying with her: "Do you want me to make you a meal plan that you can follow? Why don't you just decide to not buy anymore clothes until you can buy a bigger size? If I had to gain x amount of weight, I could do it without any problem..." and the list goes on. I left on rather awkward terms with her.

Today though, I received a GEM in the mail. It was a hand written letter from my mom. I opened it, and stuck right on the middle of the white piece of paper was a brightly colored sticker that read: BREAKFAST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY. IT MAKES YOUR METABOLISM WORK FASTER AND YOUR WEIGHT GO LOWER.
Ummmm.... REALLY?? As if the sticker wasn't bad enough-- the letter went on to tell me that she gets "angry at me" when she sees me not eating breakfast and that she thinks it's really "stupid behavior."
...Why THANK YOU MOTHER. What a SWEET way to portray your concern and love for me!!

If you have suffered from or are suffering from an ED, you will most likely be able to relate to this post. In my experience, people just simply do NOT understand the deep entities of what an eating disorder truly is. It seems that many of the people in my life, who love me most, handle it all the wrong ways- despite my MANY efforts to teach them about how they can best help me and support me. The most common reaction I get is anger. People get SO angry at me when they see me acting out ED behaviors. I get lectured all too often about all the same things- things that I already KNOW. "You NEED to be eating... You are TOO skinny... You are being STUPID..Why don't you just eat?... What are you thinking?... etc. etc." I want to scream in all of their faces, "PLEASE TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW!" If it were that easy, I would NOT have a problem in the first place and I most definitely wouldn't be dropping hundreds of dollars per month to pay for Dr. F! I think it would surprise most people how much WE (as sufferers from ED) actually know about proper nutrition. We KNOW how many calories we need a day. We KNOW breakfast is the most important meal of the day. We know about the carbs, proteins, fats and why the human body needs all three. We know, we know, we know. I try to remember that the people reacting to me in anger, and saying hurtful things to me are simply trying their best to let me know they love me, are worried about me, and are terrified of losing me. I get why they are frustrated, but it's not ME they should be frustrated with, it's the ED. Alas, I can tell people this until I am blue in the face, some decide to listen to me and to allow me to educate them on what an ED actually is and how they can HELP me, and others, (like my mom) decide to ignore my pleas for help and continue dealing with ED their own way- which, is NOT helpful to me or my recovery at all.

Dr. F and I have talked a lot about this. I decided a few months ago, that there are only a few people, who I feel are willing to truly learn about ED and to learn about how they can best support me in my recovery. The people I identified were: my older sister and my husband, and of course, Dr. F. I took my sister to a session with Dr. F so that Dr. F could fully educate her and let her know where I am in my recovery and how to best help and support me. I did the same with Husband. It has made a huge difference in my treatment because I have decided to be open and honest with these people, to allow them to hold me accountable, and to, for the most part, ignore the other comments/insults/advice I get from those close to me who are not willing to positively support my recovery. It isn't always easy to ignore the negative insults/blatantly rude comments from people, so I have decided that when certain comments affect me or trigger ED behaviors, that I will either call Dr. F, Sister, or Husband so that we can talk about it.

(I have purposely NOT included Jade in my SUPPORT team for ED, as not to trigger her since she is doing so well in her recovery).

My advice to anyone suffering from ED: Choose a select few who are close to you, who you know will listen and learn and take seriously your recovery. It makes all the difference to have some people who are fully on board with you and who can hold you accountable!!

Here's to CHOOSING life!!

xx-Grayce